Update and my promise to you - Post once a month

Hi all,

It's been 60 days since my last post. Each time I sit down to write something else comes up. Playing with the dogs, spending time with Eric, spending time with family, etc.
I will now promise to write at least once a month.
As things are slowing WAY down I'm not sure more than that is necessary.


So to catch things up;
I got my first haircut a few weeks ago!
I had destroyed my hair over the past 10 years or so.
The back is coming in really thick and the top is coming in as well just not quite as good.
I have lovely 'wings' on the side that stick out of my hat which I have no idea what to do with them.
The color and texture seems to be the same as before. It was possible that it would be different, but sadly, it's not.

I am still getting herceptin treatments every third week until July.
For the most part these aren't bad.
I don't enjoy being stabbed in the chest (where my port is) each time or the time it takes out of my day to do it, but it's not terrible.
There are a few side effects but nothing that gets too much in the way of life.

I have surgery next week, Wednesday April 29th.
They will take the expanders out and put in the silicone implants.
I'm REALLY hoping that I'll be able to sleep on my stomach again after this surgery.
My 'pillow fort' is kinda of working to help me sleep, but it's annoying. I'm sure Eric is quite annoyed with it too. I've had it 'up' for almost a year now. This is proof he's more patient than me! I'm sure it's annoying to sleep next to.
This is an outpatient surgery that should take about 2 hours.
I will take 10 or so days off from work.
I'll be on lifting restrictions again too. :(
They will do some lipo to 'fill in' the areas around the implants to make things look as natural as possible.
Apparently our fat has a fair amount of healing properties as well. I've been having a decent bit of pain on my right side, upper rib cage area. The plastic surgeon said he'll put a little more fat there and it'll help heal things. He said it'll do it's magic then kinda dissipate.
I was hoping to get my port out during this surgery but the chemo nurses said no, my veins aren't good enough.

Speaking of the pain. I have started physical therapy.
I haven't been enjoying this but it has been helping.
I lost more range of motion that I had realized.
I recently started taking boxing/kickboxing classes. It was during these I realized that I didn't quite have the range of motion I used to.
PT is good and also some form of torture at the same time!
"Is this where it hurts?"
"Yes"
*therapist pushes harder!*

I got talked into a "survivor-ship" program at the cancer center. This was a waste of time and energy!
First of all, it's in the middle of the day so I had to take a whole day off work.
I went and they started by taking my vitals and then asking me about my meds. The catch though, the lady who was doing this didn't have the authority to add or remove meds from the list, so that was a waste.
Then I met a physical therapist. He did help me realize I was missing some range of motion things, so that part wasn't terrible.
Next I met with a PA, she went over the short and long term side effects of all the meds I've been on. All of these things my oncologist went over.
Recently I saw the claim on my insurance. I have yet to find out if I'll owe $ for part of this visit.
Next I got a short chair massage. This was nice, but I'm getting massages through Hope Lives so it was unnecessary.
Lastly, I talked with a social worker. I have been seeing her every or every other week, so I didn't need this program to see her. It's nice to be able to have someone to talk to that isn't overwhelmed with the talking about things. I know I have plenty of people around me that'll listen but sometimes they need a break too.

It's also time for another decision.
A new study came out in December from Europe.
They have concluded that there is a 5% less chance of the cancer coming back if they put me back into menopause for 5 years.
5% 5% 5%, I'm getting really sick of hearing this. Everything is 5%.
I don't think I'm going to go down this route though.
Had I been diagnosed a year prior it wouldn't even be an option since the study was still in progress.
I was also in temporary menopause during chemo, it's miserable.
5 years sounds like it's not that long, but sit down and really thing about it. It's longer than it seems.
I bought my house 6 years ago. A LOT has happened and changed in that time. 5 years isn't something to sneeze at.
I discussed with my primary physician quality of life vs quantity.
He supports my decision in not doing the menopause route.
I will followup with my oncologist in May. I have to make the final decision by mid-June.

Thank you all for your continued support.
If anyone is bored I wouldn't mind the company the days following surgery!

Thank you, again.

I haven't wrote lately because there haven't been many updates.
Today I'm not going to post an update either, I'll get one eventually.

Today I'm posting about gratitude.

When I first started the blog and put up the donation button I was terrified of what was in store financially for me. This was almost more scary than the diagnosis itself. Eric watched me cry and spend endless hours looking at my bank account, insurance plans, etc. Money shouldn't be what you have to think about when you're fighting for you life. Sadly though, it's at the front of the minds of just about everyone with a cancer diagnosis. Then donations came in, this relieved some stress. Next Kelsey suggested a fund raiser. I was still terrified and gladly accepted. The fund raiser was a huge success. Between previous donations and the fund raiser I was able to pay for all the medical bills in 2014 and put the rest aside in an account I rarely checked. I, in a slight way, forgot about the money as I had finally hit my deducible in 2014 and, for the most part, didn't have bills coming in for the last few months of 2014. One here or there for $10-$15, but nothing big. This week the bills started again for this year. As I was paying them this morning I just wanted to say thank you to everyone again. There isn't any stress in paying the bills as I believe I have enough left from donations to pay for all of the bills I will receive this year.

I don't know how to put into words the sigh of relief I have from this still.
I read a study before I started chemo that they have tested tumor reactions to chemo when stress levels are high. They found that it makes the chemo less effective.
I also keep surprising the doctors that I'm recovering at the speed that I am.
I contribute almost all of this to not having the financial stress that some have to endure at the same time when going through this.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

They Say No News Is Good News, Right?

I feel like every time I write a post I say sorry that I haven't wrote in a while.
I'm not going to say sorry this time.
My last chemo treatment was on October 13th I was finally starting to get my energy back before radiation started.
With some energy I hadn't been sitting at my computer as much so I haven't found the time to post.
I consider this a win!
Cumulative fatigue from radiation is setting in now but it's no where near as bad and shouldn't be bad for very long, maybe a month.

I started radiation on November 10th and finished December 16th. This was a full time job!
Pills 3 times a day with food. That was what made that part hard, with food.
Lotion 6 times a day. Since I couldn't just sit in the office at work/in public to put it on that was quite time consuming as well.
Then going to the cancer center everyday was time consuming too.
My appointments were at 4:15, sometimes I was in an out by 4:30, sometimes I was there until 5:30.
Two weeks before radiation they took saline out of the left expander. This left one side with 200cc and the other side was expanded to 440cc. They did this for 2 reasons. First the extra expansion was because the skin gets more tight and expanding a little more helps the plastic surgeon make things look 'correct' in the end. The lowered side is so the radiation would make it to the right places and not having something in the way.
The week before radiation I went in to an MRI machine for about an hour for mapping.
They put 4 'tattoos' on me. They are purple and the size of a ball point pen.
These hurt WAY more than a regular tattoo.
There is one on each size and 2 in the middle.
They used these to line me up each time to the EXACT same position.

I had 25 radiation treatments in 6 weeks.
The routine was as follows:
Check in at the front desk, change into a gown, sit and wait.
Go back to the room. Lay on the table. Ask for a warm blanket :) Arms up while the machine moves back into place. 2 people were in the room and would use the tattoos to line me up. The machine would start on my upper left, make a few strange noises and move to the right and kind of 'under' me. Someone would come in, add a piece to the machine, push a button and leave. More strange noises and done. The whole process once in the room took 5-7 minutes. Change and go home.

Throughout radiation my skin had lots of changes. I will post pictures of that in a few weeks. (Don't worry, the worst of it was on my side and that's the only pictures I will share) :)

I have Herceptin every third week until July and one more surgery in the spring to put in the silicone implants.
I'm told I'll feel much better after that surgery, I can't wait!

No more Cruisin for Cleavage shirts, we couldn't get a hold of the guy to print more. I'm sorry.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a safe New Year's Eve.

Overall Mortality Rate...

... is still hovering around 100% for humans as a whole.

Got your attention :)
I'm trying to get better about posting and it's been a week since the last.

Yesterday was the last of my long treatments, this is a blessing mostly.
A little scary as in 2 weeks chemo is done completely.
This has been my crutch, there is only about a 1% chance of cancer growing while on chemo...
So in roughly 13 days the crutch is gone completely.
However in about 60-75 days the side effects will subside almost completely as well.
I'm VERY ready for this to happen!

They were running behind yesterday so I was there until 5:30.
Mom and I had a dance party towards the end, it was great! :) 

My cold is almost gone, whew that kicked my butt!
Chemo sucks but that stuffy nose got the best of me for a few days, to say the least.

I went to a support group last night to talk about Tamoxifen (the pill they want me on 10 years).
There was an Oncologist there to answer our questions.
Lucky for me there was only me and one other lady there.
She didn't have many questions.
This left 75 minutes of just me asking question after question.
This was very helpful and I feel a little better about my options.

Back to where I started this post.
No one gets out alive anyway so make sure you have plenty of fun and laughter along the way.

My advise:
Make sure to remove toxic relationships from your life to help alleviate the stress those cause.
That can be hard but they will bring you down faster than almost anything else in my opinion.

Find something everyday to be positive about.
Don't take things too seriously. One example that comes to mind from a few years ago... I was driving to the airport. I was on the phone with my mom. Something flew up and hit my windshield. It cracked right away. "SHIT" I said and then continued my conversation in a calm manner. Mom wondered why I wasn't more upset. There was no need to be, it happened, I couldn't change that and being angry about it wasn't going to change anything, it happened. It wasn't life altering either. So it rolled off my shoulders and I had actually completely forgot about it until I got back in the truck when I got home from the trip and saw it.

Do something small for someone else daily.
The little things add up and will always be more important and better memories than the big things in the end.
Did I mention I REALLY miss coffee :) (Not for the coffee either.)

I truly believe that I've been doing so well, at least emotionally, so far because of the great senses of humor around me.
I'm very grateful that I have Eric here everyday to make me laugh and smile.
This is one of the best medicines!

 Tomorrow is the first day of October, where did the summer go?!

Poll:
My birthday is on the 28th... Do I celebrate my 28th on the 28th or just stick to my original plan of doing 27 over again?

The Day of A Lifetime

Wow.
Where do I even start?

I've always disliked when people say "It was the best day of my life".
If this is the case what else is there to live for?
So, please try to start saying 'so far' after these types of comments.
With that in mind, Saturday September 13th, 2014 - Cruisin' for Cleavage - 1st Annual Poker Run was one of the best days of my life, so far.

People have birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, babies being born, engagements etc. They are all memorable, but I'm not sure anything will compare to the memories of yesterday.

The amount of people and support was amazing.
The mix of different types/groups of people all coming together made everything that much better.

We had 145 registrations come through. I didn't count but I feel like there were many more people than that.

I didn't go to registration but I was at the first stop.
3 people beat me but then I stayed and watched everyone else come through and play the game.
It took almost 3 hours to get everyone through. It was great!
I left with one of the last groups of people and road to the next stop.
Wasn't there long and I left with a different group of people to the next stop.
On the way my heart sank, a bike had gone down.
I heard mixed things about what happened but I did find out the rider was ok over all.
He ended up with some broken bones but no head or organ damage.
I was grateful to hear this news.
Sad that someone came out for me and ended up in pain themselves though.

I met people that have read the blog and followed along this whole time. That's was a little weird at first but good at the same time.
I'm glad people are following.
That is nice to hear!

I had one lady say she is following and knows someone who was recently diagnosed and the blog has helped them so far with what to expect next and to realize that it isn't the end of the world. There can still be laughs and positive attitudes!  I'm glad I've helped someone, even if it's just one person, it's worth it. (PS, when you're reading this if you have ANY questions feel free to email me.)

I heard some sad stories about lost family and friends to this shitty disease.

Those were a little hard on me, but I understand that's what some people needed to get off their chest that day. (still no pun intended) :)

Lots of tears, stories and laughter were shared on Saturday!

I've been told that Kelsey is pretty bad ass, but I did see tears of amazement and joy on Saturday. It took everything I had not to shed a few myself.

Now the hard part... How do you repay someone who devoted a tremendous amount of time and energy to put something like this together? The only real way to pay them back in the same fashion would be if something terrible happened to them as well. 

Of course I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. 

With that in mind I will be ever indebted to my sister Kelsey.

Kelsey, be proud, you did a wonderful job!  

Not to discredit what anyone else did but none of this would have happened without her.

A lot of this wouldn't have happened without the additional volunteers and bars to help as well.

The monitary turn out wouldn't have happened without the generous donations of various companies and individuals throughout Northern Colorado either.

A big, warm, THANK YOU to everyone that helped put this together.

The final numbers at the end of the day was just over $9,000 with $700 in prize payouts.

(I have random 'entry fees' still coming in from people that couldn't make it, when I get a grand total I will update this post)

This was hard to believe and didn't sink in until the next day and I just wept on my couch.

With this and the previous financial donations the weight of medical bills for 2014 and I'm 90% sure the medical bills for 2015 will be taken care of in total.

Without this stress over my head I am able to focus that much more energy on my success at kickin' ass.

I cannot say thank you enough for everyone involved that donated their time, energy and opened their wallets to help as well.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

We will be putting in an order for more t-shirts this weekend.

If you want one and missed out please let me know asap.

We will be collecting money before ordering.

There are grey or pink shirts and pink tank tops.

$12

Everyday should be filled with joy, laughter, happiness, love, human touch, and honesty.
--- Post coming about this soon.

Sorry it took longer to write this post than it should have.
I came down with a terrible cold last week and didn't have the energy to write.
I'm getting better now!
I apologize.

When this was first planned I said I wanted to pay it forward and help someone else next year, with that in mind;

We will have a 2nd Annual Cruisin' For Cleavage Poker Run next September, recipient to be decided.

Can't wait to see you all there!

Cruisin For Cleavage September 13th!

Kelsey has been BUSY!

The poker run is coming up in just over 2 weeks.
So far looks like we're going to have a lot of great people there, I'm looking forward to seeing everyone!

There are quite a few that will be doing the ride as a drive in their cars/trucks.
We're happy to see this as well, you don't have to have a bike to have fun!
There will be games at each stop, silent auction and one more surprise at the end.

Come join for the fun before it snows!
If you have any questions please let me or Kelsey know.

There is a link at the bottom to download the PDF as well.

Description from Facebook event:

We are cruisin' for Cleavage!!

Registration will begin at 10:00 am in Severance, CO at Bruce's Bar. Last bike out by 11:00.

Cost- $15.00 for a single rider
$20.00 for a couple

Starting at Bruce's bar in Severance
1st Canyon Grill, Ft. Collins
2nd Wind Jammer, Loveland
3rd Derby Grille, Berthoud
4th Office Lounge, Loveland

The top two best poker hands will win cash!! 


Link to download the PDF:
Flier PDF Download

When you get to the new page click "Click here to start download from sendspace"
Don't click on any of the other advertising BS!

New Chemo and Radiation Decision

It's been almost 3 weeks since my last post.
Sorry about that!

I ended up in the ER 2 weeks ago (Sunday) for a few hours.
Blood counts were low.
Had to go for more blood tests Monday and Tuesday.
Weird, you go to the ER because you're loosing too much blood and the first thing do is take more blood.

I'm better now though.



Last Monday I started new chemo, Taxol.

This is every Monday until October 20th. (12 treatments)
Every third week I also have Herceptin and Perjeta. (These are antibodies, not chemo)
I will have Herceptin every third week until August 2015.
Perjeta just until October.

While this chemo takes much longer the side effects aren't nearly as bad as the AC I was on before this. I'm very thankful for that.

The first thing they do is give me Benadryl.
I'm back to involuntary naps now. :)
Then steroids and stomach meds.
Then Herceptin (90 min)
Then Perjeta (90 min)
Then Taxol (90 min)

All of the meds are put in saline and 'delivered' that way, makes me very cold!

The first treatment that included all 3 I was there from 9:30-4:30.
I'm glad Mom was there to help get me food and watch me sleep.
I would be very appreciative if I could get 'volunteers' to maybe help bring food on the long days.
I do sleep and work during treatments so I don't need people to sit with me the whole time, but I do get very hungry!

After all this is done I will have a month 'off'.

Then I have decided with the help of others that radiation is the best idea for me.
This will start around November 20th and will go for 5 weeks.
I will get 25 treatments in that time.
Going there everyday is going to take a toll on me I'm sure but we feel it's the right thing to do.

Hope to see everyone on September 13th!