Whew, a lot has happened in a few weeks.
Mostly facts for this post.
I don't remember exactly where I was in this process for the last post so I'll start from the 'top'.
Annual doc appointment
Ultrasound
Biopsy
MRI - chest and where the biopsy came from.
oh shit!
Radiation doc
Surgeon appointment
CT scan
Bone scan
PET/CT scan
Oncology appointment
oh shit shit!
Surgery
Pulmonary doc
Hilar lymph node biopsy -ouch!
So, the first 'oh shit' was the first post. Cancer had come back.
Tests to check spreading, majority of these came back negative.
The CT scan wasn't so great, my lymph nodes in my chest were enlarged.
These results aren't looked at alone, a PET scan was suggested.
PET/CT scan was an interesting process - I was taken back to a room, injected with radioactive material, put into a room for an hour alone. Not supposed to move much when in here, I planned on working or posting on the blog, this wasn't an option, if I moved muscles too much the radiation would metabolize there and give a false positive, I took a nap. Then when ready for the procedure I asked to go to the bathroom. That was it's own room too with a radio active warning. The scan itself was just like others, lay down and go through the machine. Take a deep breath in and hold it for a few of the pictures, nothing big or strange in there. Afterwards I was allowed to change and leave, but do not get too close to others for 1-2 hours, made it 2 hours to be safe.
One last appointment before the 'oh shit shit'... Oncology again.
She showed me where my lymph nodes in my chest lit up - not a good sign, but maybe not bad either - this is mostly where we are now.
This can be sarcoidosis or stage 4 cancer.
If it was positive to be stage 4 cancer - surgery wouldn't have happened as it would all be treated differently.
I had surgery on Thursday August 20th then I went straight to the pulmonary doc's office. Surgery was also an interesting process. First I was prepped for surgery, then I was taken downstairs to the breast diagnostic center to get a Savi Scout implanted. This is a radio frequency device that is implanted via ultrasound to the exact location of the tumor. This allows the surgeon to get even more specific to where they cut out tissue, and the Savi Scout. This was implanted and then back up to the surgery center. I got to say hi to Brian and give him a kiss before heading back to my room. He wasn't allowed back, that made things a bit more emotional before heading back to surgery. Then surgery, easy process, woke up in very little pain, had more bruising from the Savi Scout placement than the surgery itself. Off to the next step, upstairs.
Brian and I wrote notes before the surgery since by the time I went to the pulmonary appointment I had only been awake for about 25 minutes. This doc is a bit strange, very relaxed and also doesn't seem worried about the scans. He said that he has seen this so much recently (past few years) that someone should research more and do a paper about the relation to chemo and sarcoidosis, then someone did a year ago. It's more common than anyone realized.
Sunday I got a COVID test - I guess this was required to go to PVH, although no one checked I had it done. Frustrating!
Next, virtual oncology appointment. Good results from surgery. No surprises from additional testing of the tumor. Margins were good. They looked around the lymphatic system some and didn't see anything out of the ordinary, no additional breast tissue either. This will go to oncotype dx testing ~2 weeks for results.
Yesterday I had the additional biopsies. This included anesthesia again, when I woke up I was speaking Spanish I'm told, and it was accurate and sounded good enough one nurse thought it was my first language! This makes me smile more than you know! Moving on, they went down my trachea and took 25 biopsies from 5 different locations. This procedure took more out of me than the last. I'm much more sore, a sore throat and tired on top of it. We went to bed at 7:30 last night, I slept over 16 hours. The results of this procedure will come back tomorrow or Friday - this time around, this is the longest wait so far! My heart sinks a little every time the phone rings - don't call me right now. :)
Overall I'm recovering well, coughed up a little blood yesterday and today, but that was to be expected. My incision scar doesn't look like there will be much evidence left either, I did pull some steri strips off too soon and it opened a little, worse things can happen though.
I have a pillow fort setup in bed, poor Brian has to sleep next to it!
My home nurse is incredible - don't tell him I called him that. :)
All jokes aside Brian is helping a ton. He's made all my meals, helped me get anything I need. Ice packs always ready, even late at night. Coffee and breakfast in bed to boot.
Our kitchen smells wonderful from all the flowers! Thank you Taylor, Brittany/Scott, Mom, Mom again :) Mr & Mrs. Hernandez and Jax.
Pictures from scans to come for anyone interested - the bone scan looks interesting! I can no longer claim I'm big boned :D
Wednesday, August 26, 2020
Thursday, August 6, 2020
Two Thousand, three hundred and nine.
2,309 days.
6 years, 3 months, 26 days.
1,649 weekdays and 660 weekend days.
I was finally to yearly checkups instead of every 3 months, then every 6. I made it, I made it to every 12 months.
I made it to 12 months - that's where I was supposed to stay.
In the past 5 days I've had 6 doctor appointments. In the 2 weeks prior I had 4 more.
This was a normal appointment, no nerves, nothing big to talk about besides telling her I'm getting married! This was supposed to be a great visit and end with a 'see you next year'.
I start the appointment with some simple items.
There is a spot in my chest that I suspect is the side of my implant, not worried.
There is a spot near my right shoulder that's sore, feels like sore muscle from working out, not worried.
Small bump near my arm pit, not worried.
Go through the whole exam, the doc is also not worried, but suggested we double check that's my implant. While doing the ultrasound why not check the bump near my arm pit, give me peace of mind since I worry.
Word of wisdom, when you get a test and the doc comes in before you change out of a gown to give results they are never good results. Good news is always a phone call, it's never the doctor either.
2,309 days.
This is the amount of time between original diagnosis and recurrent diagnosis.
Or is it 9 weeks?
9 weeks until Brian and I get married.
More to come, more tests to get done, final plan to be put in place.
I should probably find a wedding dress!
Saturday, August 8, 2015
The Best Kind of Love and My Condolances.
What's the best kind of love in your opinion?
Mine is when you receive love from someone that doesn't have to.
With a broken family tree, Grandma Miller had no obligations to loving me.
23 years ago I could have lost her in my life, but I didn't. It wasn't until the wee minutes of July 2nd, 2015 that I truly lost her.
Though she did have that unconditional love that only a grandma can have.
The one that'll give you candy and then send you home so they won't be mad that you are hyper.
The one that you can kick them all evening sharing a bed and then send you home so the next night they got a good nights sleep, but they still miss the kicking.
The kind that even though you're late to everything, they won't say anything, she just starts lying about when somethings starts, so you don't know any different.
Even more, the kind that when you bring her a little silver spoon from Peru, because that's what she collects, she smiles and says "Thank you".
Then you bring another, from Grand Caymen, she loves it.
Another from Honduras, and another from Belize.
Then another after another until there are at least 15.
Smiling each time and loving each one.
It wasn't until about 3-4 months ago as I was looking around grandma's house I realized that every spoon I'd given her was in a little tea cup.
That was great, a trip down memory lane of where I had been.
I expected to see other tea cups with different 'sets' of spoons.
Ones from others or that served as reminders of certain memories, places, trips or people.
Then I looked around some more, those were the only spoons she had.
It was then I realized, Grandma never collected spoons... But since she was a grandma, she was never going to tell me any different.
She loved the spoons just as much thimbles she actually collected.
One evening while sitting with her I asked her about them.
She just chuckled and told me she loved them.
Proof she was a loving grandmother, even though no proof was needed. Everyone knew she was the living definition of grandmother.
Watching Grandma over the last few months was quite hard on me.
What I wrote above was going to be part of what I had planned on saying at her funeral, but just couldn't get myself to do it.
She had breast cancer and I watched it take it's nasty toll until the very last breath.
This brought a lot of things into perspective for myself and gave me a glimpse of what my future could entail.
This was hard but I wouldn't have traded my time with her and holding her hand through all of it for the world.
I don't believe everything happens for a reason, however, I'm a little happy I was able to go through some of the same things as she did. This allowed me to try to comfort her as well as listen and understand things that others just didn't quite comprehend.
It's easy to listen to what someone is feeling, it's a little different to have felt it yourself before.
Grandma taught me more about life in just a few months than I probably have learned the last year myself.
Wow, did she have a sense of humor in 2015!
So many great laughs and stories shared.
As my uncle said "Never tell a dying woman a secret.". *Boy* was this true!
Another special woman in my life was Lola. From a young age she had a dear place in my heart. After my diagnosis she was there often to make sure I didn't loose weight in the form of the BEST gluten free chocolate cake I've ever had. Her daughter carried on that even at the services and had a cake there for me too. This was a gesture I'm not soon to forget. She made sure to do some research and pass on any info that could be useful to me. She bought me a handful of things to help me get through and just to make me smile. She even bought me the same book twice. I will miss the daily emails and the laughs when I'd go to her house and we'd talk. I'm a little sad she didn't get to read the parts of the book I have started. She asked about it many times and was looking forward to giving me some feedback. She was my biggest 'cheerleader' in getting it published. I won't let you down.
Lastly, a simple reminder that life can end in seconds, literally. Janice Weston was my Grandma Carol's best friend. She was in a freak car accident just a few weeks ago.
She moved away 14ish years ago after Carol passed. I didn't get to see her as much as I did growing up, but I heard from her about once a week to just make sure I was ok.
She took me on as one of her own grandchildren and was a very loving soul.
To her I say; Thank you for the reminder that age has no place in making dreams happen.
Tell Grandma Carol hi for me please.
On a personal note, I have had my last treatment. I will have my port out on November 4th.
I meet with the oncologist at the end of the month to hopefully get my 'pass' to move past all of this.
I'll keep everyone updated.
RIP Katherine Miller.
RIP Lola Quinan
RIP Jan Weston
Mine is when you receive love from someone that doesn't have to.
With a broken family tree, Grandma Miller had no obligations to loving me.
23 years ago I could have lost her in my life, but I didn't. It wasn't until the wee minutes of July 2nd, 2015 that I truly lost her.
Though she did have that unconditional love that only a grandma can have.
The one that'll give you candy and then send you home so they won't be mad that you are hyper.
The one that you can kick them all evening sharing a bed and then send you home so the next night they got a good nights sleep, but they still miss the kicking.
The kind that even though you're late to everything, they won't say anything, she just starts lying about when somethings starts, so you don't know any different.
Even more, the kind that when you bring her a little silver spoon from Peru, because that's what she collects, she smiles and says "Thank you".
Then you bring another, from Grand Caymen, she loves it.
Another from Honduras, and another from Belize.
Then another after another until there are at least 15.
Smiling each time and loving each one.
It wasn't until about 3-4 months ago as I was looking around grandma's house I realized that every spoon I'd given her was in a little tea cup.
That was great, a trip down memory lane of where I had been.
I expected to see other tea cups with different 'sets' of spoons.
Ones from others or that served as reminders of certain memories, places, trips or people.
Then I looked around some more, those were the only spoons she had.
It was then I realized, Grandma never collected spoons... But since she was a grandma, she was never going to tell me any different.
She loved the spoons just as much thimbles she actually collected.
One evening while sitting with her I asked her about them.
She just chuckled and told me she loved them.
Proof she was a loving grandmother, even though no proof was needed. Everyone knew she was the living definition of grandmother.
Watching Grandma over the last few months was quite hard on me.
What I wrote above was going to be part of what I had planned on saying at her funeral, but just couldn't get myself to do it.
She had breast cancer and I watched it take it's nasty toll until the very last breath.
This brought a lot of things into perspective for myself and gave me a glimpse of what my future could entail.
This was hard but I wouldn't have traded my time with her and holding her hand through all of it for the world.
I don't believe everything happens for a reason, however, I'm a little happy I was able to go through some of the same things as she did. This allowed me to try to comfort her as well as listen and understand things that others just didn't quite comprehend.
It's easy to listen to what someone is feeling, it's a little different to have felt it yourself before.
Grandma taught me more about life in just a few months than I probably have learned the last year myself.
Wow, did she have a sense of humor in 2015!
So many great laughs and stories shared.
As my uncle said "Never tell a dying woman a secret.". *Boy* was this true!
Another special woman in my life was Lola. From a young age she had a dear place in my heart. After my diagnosis she was there often to make sure I didn't loose weight in the form of the BEST gluten free chocolate cake I've ever had. Her daughter carried on that even at the services and had a cake there for me too. This was a gesture I'm not soon to forget. She made sure to do some research and pass on any info that could be useful to me. She bought me a handful of things to help me get through and just to make me smile. She even bought me the same book twice. I will miss the daily emails and the laughs when I'd go to her house and we'd talk. I'm a little sad she didn't get to read the parts of the book I have started. She asked about it many times and was looking forward to giving me some feedback. She was my biggest 'cheerleader' in getting it published. I won't let you down.
Lastly, a simple reminder that life can end in seconds, literally. Janice Weston was my Grandma Carol's best friend. She was in a freak car accident just a few weeks ago.
She moved away 14ish years ago after Carol passed. I didn't get to see her as much as I did growing up, but I heard from her about once a week to just make sure I was ok.
She took me on as one of her own grandchildren and was a very loving soul.
To her I say; Thank you for the reminder that age has no place in making dreams happen.
Tell Grandma Carol hi for me please.
On a personal note, I have had my last treatment. I will have my port out on November 4th.
I meet with the oncologist at the end of the month to hopefully get my 'pass' to move past all of this.
I'll keep everyone updated.
RIP Katherine Miller.
RIP Lola Quinan
RIP Jan Weston
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Time is something you can never get back. Surround yourself with the right people.
First I want to start off by saying this isn't some dying declaration.
This isn't the typical "I learned I'm dying or someone I know died, this reminded me to spend more time with my family" post either.
(I'm sorry in advance I'm sure that is going to offend someone, but that isn't my intentions. Just trying to explain that this isn't that type of post. Please keep reading.)
This is about something I started to write on paper before I found out about the cancer.
I've put a lot of thought into it and I've changed how I speak about this many times now.
First it was something along the lines of "I can't stand technology".
After much thought and discussion with a few people it's more that I can't stand *personal* technology.
A study came out in May, 2015. Human attention span now less than that of a goldfish. It's down to 8 seconds. With that in mind I do hope you make it to the end of this post. I timed myself reading it to the end, it took me 3.5 minutes. I have faith you can make it to the end too!
I was going to be a hypocrite and post it only on FaceBook to get the word out but I decided with around 17,500 unique visits to the blog that maybe I could reach more people here. Putting it on a blog still makes it a little hypocritical still, but welcome to the world in which we live. (Yes, there is still a link on FB. About half my traffic comes from there.)
I don't even know where to start... Facebook, cell phones, email, passwords, laptops, tablets, or should I go as far back as Myspace, what about pagers?!
Personal technology problems, in my opinion, started with the smart phones.
Email has been around for a while, myspace, FB, etc...
But when the smart phone came around it was easier to access these things, you could do it on the go.
This is when the problem really started.
Instead of listening to a whole conversation if someone gets bored with it they grab their phone.
Now there is many more things to grab their attention instead of the one on one interaction right in front of them. Some are getting very good at pretending to listen but then you can tell they have something else on their mind, like why their phone just made a noise. What are they missing? Is someone more interesting trying to get a hold of them? I'm not the first to say, people listen to wait for their turn to respond, they don't just listen to hear the story anymore.
Someone close to me has recently got a terminal diagnosis. We have been spending quite a bit of time together lately. Telling stories and just talking. A reminder of the "pre-personal-techonology" era. While I don't want to get into this too much at the moment it was the push to finish writing this and post it. I started it in July 2014 but couldn't find the right words. Out of respect for this person I won't be saying much more at this time. After I'm given permission there is quite a story to share from them as well.
Something I've posted on my FB page a few times that holds dear to my heart, surrounding yourself with the right people. It's said that you become most like the 5 people with whom you spend the most time. Think about this. Who have you made friends with at work? Outside of work, what 5 people do you see the most? Do they support you? Do they push you to grow? Are they sincerely interested in your life? If not, it may be time to change your circle. Are you proud of them? Are they successful? Do they have drive? If not, it may be time to change your circle. Make sure that other souls that get your time respect and appreciate it. Time is the one thing you can give someone that you will never get back. It's the most precious thing you own. If they don't make time for you why should you always drop things to make time for them?
Okay, okay, enough sap and crap.
Health update:
Last night I slept on my stomach!!! This is the first time in 14 months I've slept without my pillow fort. The first time I've slept on my stomach since my biopsy. The first time I got what I considered a pretty decent night sleep without relying on something to help me sleep. Sleep is soo important and makes a huge different. I haven't cried a ton at the doctors but I know I've cried more about sleep to the oncologist than everything else combined.
Last Thursday I finished another prescription!! Only one left.
I have 2 more herceptin treatments and that's basically the end of the plan.
Staying on tamoxifen at the moment, but not sure how much longer I will do that.
They want me to be on it for 10 years, that just seems like way too many pills to me!
I will address that one when I see fit.
After the last treatment on July 20th my last crutch will be gone. That's a bitter-sweet thought.
Shortly there after I will get my port out.
I have convinced the plastic surgeon to do it as opposed to the regular surgeon. I've seen him more times, plus he agrees, plastic surgeons make better scars!
Who's gonna hold my hand for the port removal? I've been told it's a bitch!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Update and my promise to you - Post once a month
Hi all,
It's been 60 days since my last post. Each time I sit down to write something else comes up. Playing with the dogs, spending time with Eric, spending time with family, etc.
I will now promise to write at least once a month.
As things are slowing WAY down I'm not sure more than that is necessary.
So to catch things up;
I got my first haircut a few weeks ago!
I had destroyed my hair over the past 10 years or so.
The back is coming in really thick and the top is coming in as well just not quite as good.
I have lovely 'wings' on the side that stick out of my hat which I have no idea what to do with them.
The color and texture seems to be the same as before. It was possible that it would be different, but sadly, it's not.
I am still getting herceptin treatments every third week until July.
For the most part these aren't bad.
I don't enjoy being stabbed in the chest (where my port is) each time or the time it takes out of my day to do it, but it's not terrible.
There are a few side effects but nothing that gets too much in the way of life.
I have surgery next week, Wednesday April 29th.
They will take the expanders out and put in the silicone implants.
I'm REALLY hoping that I'll be able to sleep on my stomach again after this surgery.
My 'pillow fort' is kinda of working to help me sleep, but it's annoying. I'm sure Eric is quite annoyed with it too. I've had it 'up' for almost a year now. This is proof he's more patient than me! I'm sure it's annoying to sleep next to.
This is an outpatient surgery that should take about 2 hours.
I will take 10 or so days off from work.
I'll be on lifting restrictions again too. :(
They will do some lipo to 'fill in' the areas around the implants to make things look as natural as possible.
Apparently our fat has a fair amount of healing properties as well. I've been having a decent bit of pain on my right side, upper rib cage area. The plastic surgeon said he'll put a little more fat there and it'll help heal things. He said it'll do it's magic then kinda dissipate.
I was hoping to get my port out during this surgery but the chemo nurses said no, my veins aren't good enough.
Speaking of the pain. I have started physical therapy.
I haven't been enjoying this but it has been helping.
I lost more range of motion that I had realized.
I recently started taking boxing/kickboxing classes. It was during these I realized that I didn't quite have the range of motion I used to.
PT is good and also some form of torture at the same time!
"Is this where it hurts?"
"Yes"
*therapist pushes harder!*
I got talked into a "survivor-ship" program at the cancer center. This was a waste of time and energy!
First of all, it's in the middle of the day so I had to take a whole day off work.
I went and they started by taking my vitals and then asking me about my meds. The catch though, the lady who was doing this didn't have the authority to add or remove meds from the list, so that was a waste.
Then I met a physical therapist. He did help me realize I was missing some range of motion things, so that part wasn't terrible.
Next I met with a PA, she went over the short and long term side effects of all the meds I've been on. All of these things my oncologist went over.
Recently I saw the claim on my insurance. I have yet to find out if I'll owe $ for part of this visit.
Next I got a short chair massage. This was nice, but I'm getting massages through Hope Lives so it was unnecessary.
Lastly, I talked with a social worker. I have been seeing her every or every other week, so I didn't need this program to see her. It's nice to be able to have someone to talk to that isn't overwhelmed with the talking about things. I know I have plenty of people around me that'll listen but sometimes they need a break too.
It's also time for another decision.
A new study came out in December from Europe.
They have concluded that there is a 5% less chance of the cancer coming back if they put me back into menopause for 5 years.
5% 5% 5%, I'm getting really sick of hearing this. Everything is 5%.
I don't think I'm going to go down this route though.
Had I been diagnosed a year prior it wouldn't even be an option since the study was still in progress.
I was also in temporary menopause during chemo, it's miserable.
5 years sounds like it's not that long, but sit down and really thing about it. It's longer than it seems.
I bought my house 6 years ago. A LOT has happened and changed in that time. 5 years isn't something to sneeze at.
I discussed with my primary physician quality of life vs quantity.
He supports my decision in not doing the menopause route.
I will followup with my oncologist in May. I have to make the final decision by mid-June.
Thank you all for your continued support.
If anyone is bored I wouldn't mind the company the days following surgery!
It's been 60 days since my last post. Each time I sit down to write something else comes up. Playing with the dogs, spending time with Eric, spending time with family, etc.
I will now promise to write at least once a month.
As things are slowing WAY down I'm not sure more than that is necessary.
So to catch things up;
I got my first haircut a few weeks ago!
I had destroyed my hair over the past 10 years or so.
The back is coming in really thick and the top is coming in as well just not quite as good.
I have lovely 'wings' on the side that stick out of my hat which I have no idea what to do with them.
The color and texture seems to be the same as before. It was possible that it would be different, but sadly, it's not.
I am still getting herceptin treatments every third week until July.
For the most part these aren't bad.
I don't enjoy being stabbed in the chest (where my port is) each time or the time it takes out of my day to do it, but it's not terrible.
There are a few side effects but nothing that gets too much in the way of life.
I have surgery next week, Wednesday April 29th.
They will take the expanders out and put in the silicone implants.
I'm REALLY hoping that I'll be able to sleep on my stomach again after this surgery.
My 'pillow fort' is kinda of working to help me sleep, but it's annoying. I'm sure Eric is quite annoyed with it too. I've had it 'up' for almost a year now. This is proof he's more patient than me! I'm sure it's annoying to sleep next to.
This is an outpatient surgery that should take about 2 hours.
I will take 10 or so days off from work.
I'll be on lifting restrictions again too. :(
They will do some lipo to 'fill in' the areas around the implants to make things look as natural as possible.
Apparently our fat has a fair amount of healing properties as well. I've been having a decent bit of pain on my right side, upper rib cage area. The plastic surgeon said he'll put a little more fat there and it'll help heal things. He said it'll do it's magic then kinda dissipate.
I was hoping to get my port out during this surgery but the chemo nurses said no, my veins aren't good enough.
Speaking of the pain. I have started physical therapy.
I haven't been enjoying this but it has been helping.
I lost more range of motion that I had realized.
I recently started taking boxing/kickboxing classes. It was during these I realized that I didn't quite have the range of motion I used to.
PT is good and also some form of torture at the same time!
"Is this where it hurts?"
"Yes"
*therapist pushes harder!*
I got talked into a "survivor-ship" program at the cancer center. This was a waste of time and energy!
First of all, it's in the middle of the day so I had to take a whole day off work.
I went and they started by taking my vitals and then asking me about my meds. The catch though, the lady who was doing this didn't have the authority to add or remove meds from the list, so that was a waste.
Then I met a physical therapist. He did help me realize I was missing some range of motion things, so that part wasn't terrible.
Next I met with a PA, she went over the short and long term side effects of all the meds I've been on. All of these things my oncologist went over.
Recently I saw the claim on my insurance. I have yet to find out if I'll owe $ for part of this visit.
Next I got a short chair massage. This was nice, but I'm getting massages through Hope Lives so it was unnecessary.
Lastly, I talked with a social worker. I have been seeing her every or every other week, so I didn't need this program to see her. It's nice to be able to have someone to talk to that isn't overwhelmed with the talking about things. I know I have plenty of people around me that'll listen but sometimes they need a break too.
It's also time for another decision.
A new study came out in December from Europe.
They have concluded that there is a 5% less chance of the cancer coming back if they put me back into menopause for 5 years.
5% 5% 5%, I'm getting really sick of hearing this. Everything is 5%.
I don't think I'm going to go down this route though.
Had I been diagnosed a year prior it wouldn't even be an option since the study was still in progress.
I was also in temporary menopause during chemo, it's miserable.
5 years sounds like it's not that long, but sit down and really thing about it. It's longer than it seems.
I bought my house 6 years ago. A LOT has happened and changed in that time. 5 years isn't something to sneeze at.
I discussed with my primary physician quality of life vs quantity.
He supports my decision in not doing the menopause route.
I will followup with my oncologist in May. I have to make the final decision by mid-June.
Thank you all for your continued support.
If anyone is bored I wouldn't mind the company the days following surgery!
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Thank you, again.
I haven't wrote lately because there haven't been many updates.
Today I'm not going to post an update either, I'll get one eventually.
Today I'm posting about gratitude.
When I first started the blog and put up the donation button I was terrified of what was in store financially for me. This was almost more scary than the diagnosis itself. Eric watched me cry and spend endless hours looking at my bank account, insurance plans, etc. Money shouldn't be what you have to think about when you're fighting for you life. Sadly though, it's at the front of the minds of just about everyone with a cancer diagnosis. Then donations came in, this relieved some stress. Next Kelsey suggested a fund raiser. I was still terrified and gladly accepted. The fund raiser was a huge success. Between previous donations and the fund raiser I was able to pay for all the medical bills in 2014 and put the rest aside in an account I rarely checked. I, in a slight way, forgot about the money as I had finally hit my deducible in 2014 and, for the most part, didn't have bills coming in for the last few months of 2014. One here or there for $10-$15, but nothing big. This week the bills started again for this year. As I was paying them this morning I just wanted to say thank you to everyone again. There isn't any stress in paying the bills as I believe I have enough left from donations to pay for all of the bills I will receive this year.
I don't know how to put into words the sigh of relief I have from this still.
I read a study before I started chemo that they have tested tumor reactions to chemo when stress levels are high. They found that it makes the chemo less effective.
I also keep surprising the doctors that I'm recovering at the speed that I am.
I contribute almost all of this to not having the financial stress that some have to endure at the same time when going through this.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Today I'm not going to post an update either, I'll get one eventually.
Today I'm posting about gratitude.
When I first started the blog and put up the donation button I was terrified of what was in store financially for me. This was almost more scary than the diagnosis itself. Eric watched me cry and spend endless hours looking at my bank account, insurance plans, etc. Money shouldn't be what you have to think about when you're fighting for you life. Sadly though, it's at the front of the minds of just about everyone with a cancer diagnosis. Then donations came in, this relieved some stress. Next Kelsey suggested a fund raiser. I was still terrified and gladly accepted. The fund raiser was a huge success. Between previous donations and the fund raiser I was able to pay for all the medical bills in 2014 and put the rest aside in an account I rarely checked. I, in a slight way, forgot about the money as I had finally hit my deducible in 2014 and, for the most part, didn't have bills coming in for the last few months of 2014. One here or there for $10-$15, but nothing big. This week the bills started again for this year. As I was paying them this morning I just wanted to say thank you to everyone again. There isn't any stress in paying the bills as I believe I have enough left from donations to pay for all of the bills I will receive this year.
I don't know how to put into words the sigh of relief I have from this still.
I read a study before I started chemo that they have tested tumor reactions to chemo when stress levels are high. They found that it makes the chemo less effective.
I also keep surprising the doctors that I'm recovering at the speed that I am.
I contribute almost all of this to not having the financial stress that some have to endure at the same time when going through this.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
They Say No News Is Good News, Right?
I feel like every time I write a post I say sorry that I haven't wrote in a while.
I'm not going to say sorry this time.
My last chemo treatment was on October 13th I was finally starting to get my energy back before radiation started.
With some energy I hadn't been sitting at my computer as much so I haven't found the time to post.
I consider this a win!
Cumulative fatigue from radiation is setting in now but it's no where near as bad and shouldn't be bad for very long, maybe a month.
I started radiation on November 10th and finished December 16th. This was a full time job!
Pills 3 times a day with food. That was what made that part hard, with food.
Lotion 6 times a day. Since I couldn't just sit in the office at work/in public to put it on that was quite time consuming as well.
Then going to the cancer center everyday was time consuming too.
My appointments were at 4:15, sometimes I was in an out by 4:30, sometimes I was there until 5:30.
Two weeks before radiation they took saline out of the left expander. This left one side with 200cc and the other side was expanded to 440cc. They did this for 2 reasons. First the extra expansion was because the skin gets more tight and expanding a little more helps the plastic surgeon make things look 'correct' in the end. The lowered side is so the radiation would make it to the right places and not having something in the way.
The week before radiation I went in to an MRI machine for about an hour for mapping.
They put 4 'tattoos' on me. They are purple and the size of a ball point pen.
These hurt WAY more than a regular tattoo.
There is one on each size and 2 in the middle.
They used these to line me up each time to the EXACT same position.
I had 25 radiation treatments in 6 weeks.
The routine was as follows:
Check in at the front desk, change into a gown, sit and wait.
Go back to the room. Lay on the table. Ask for a warm blanket :) Arms up while the machine moves back into place. 2 people were in the room and would use the tattoos to line me up. The machine would start on my upper left, make a few strange noises and move to the right and kind of 'under' me. Someone would come in, add a piece to the machine, push a button and leave. More strange noises and done. The whole process once in the room took 5-7 minutes. Change and go home.
Throughout radiation my skin had lots of changes. I will post pictures of that in a few weeks. (Don't worry, the worst of it was on my side and that's the only pictures I will share) :)
I have Herceptin every third week until July and one more surgery in the spring to put in the silicone implants.
I'm told I'll feel much better after that surgery, I can't wait!
No more Cruisin for Cleavage shirts, we couldn't get a hold of the guy to print more. I'm sorry.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a safe New Year's Eve.
I'm not going to say sorry this time.
My last chemo treatment was on October 13th I was finally starting to get my energy back before radiation started.
With some energy I hadn't been sitting at my computer as much so I haven't found the time to post.
I consider this a win!
Cumulative fatigue from radiation is setting in now but it's no where near as bad and shouldn't be bad for very long, maybe a month.
I started radiation on November 10th and finished December 16th. This was a full time job!
Pills 3 times a day with food. That was what made that part hard, with food.
Lotion 6 times a day. Since I couldn't just sit in the office at work/in public to put it on that was quite time consuming as well.
Then going to the cancer center everyday was time consuming too.
My appointments were at 4:15, sometimes I was in an out by 4:30, sometimes I was there until 5:30.
Two weeks before radiation they took saline out of the left expander. This left one side with 200cc and the other side was expanded to 440cc. They did this for 2 reasons. First the extra expansion was because the skin gets more tight and expanding a little more helps the plastic surgeon make things look 'correct' in the end. The lowered side is so the radiation would make it to the right places and not having something in the way.
The week before radiation I went in to an MRI machine for about an hour for mapping.
They put 4 'tattoos' on me. They are purple and the size of a ball point pen.
These hurt WAY more than a regular tattoo.
There is one on each size and 2 in the middle.
They used these to line me up each time to the EXACT same position.
I had 25 radiation treatments in 6 weeks.
The routine was as follows:
Check in at the front desk, change into a gown, sit and wait.
Go back to the room. Lay on the table. Ask for a warm blanket :) Arms up while the machine moves back into place. 2 people were in the room and would use the tattoos to line me up. The machine would start on my upper left, make a few strange noises and move to the right and kind of 'under' me. Someone would come in, add a piece to the machine, push a button and leave. More strange noises and done. The whole process once in the room took 5-7 minutes. Change and go home.
Throughout radiation my skin had lots of changes. I will post pictures of that in a few weeks. (Don't worry, the worst of it was on my side and that's the only pictures I will share) :)
I have Herceptin every third week until July and one more surgery in the spring to put in the silicone implants.
I'm told I'll feel much better after that surgery, I can't wait!
No more Cruisin for Cleavage shirts, we couldn't get a hold of the guy to print more. I'm sorry.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a safe New Year's Eve.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Overall Mortality Rate...
... is still hovering around 100% for humans as a whole.
Got your attention :)
I'm trying to get better about posting and it's been a week since the last.
Yesterday was the last of my long treatments, this is a blessing mostly.
A little scary as in 2 weeks chemo is done completely.
This has been my crutch, there is only about a 1% chance of cancer growing while on chemo...
So in roughly 13 days the crutch is gone completely.
However in about 60-75 days the side effects will subside almost completely as well.
I'm VERY ready for this to happen!
They were running behind yesterday so I was there until 5:30.
Mom and I had a dance party towards the end, it was great! :)
My cold is almost gone, whew that kicked my butt!
Chemo sucks but that stuffy nose got the best of me for a few days, to say the least.
I went to a support group last night to talk about Tamoxifen (the pill they want me on 10 years).
There was an Oncologist there to answer our questions.
Lucky for me there was only me and one other lady there.
She didn't have many questions.
This left 75 minutes of just me asking question after question.
This was very helpful and I feel a little better about my options.
Back to where I started this post.
No one gets out alive anyway so make sure you have plenty of fun and laughter along the way.
My advise:
Make sure to remove toxic relationships from your life to help alleviate the stress those cause.
That can be hard but they will bring you down faster than almost anything else in my opinion.
Find something everyday to be positive about.
Don't take things too seriously. One example that comes to mind from a few years ago... I was driving to the airport. I was on the phone with my mom. Something flew up and hit my windshield. It cracked right away. "SHIT" I said and then continued my conversation in a calm manner. Mom wondered why I wasn't more upset. There was no need to be, it happened, I couldn't change that and being angry about it wasn't going to change anything, it happened. It wasn't life altering either. So it rolled off my shoulders and I had actually completely forgot about it until I got back in the truck when I got home from the trip and saw it.
Do something small for someone else daily.
The little things add up and will always be more important and better memories than the big things in the end.
Did I mention I REALLY miss coffee :) (Not for the coffee either.)
I truly believe that I've been doing so well, at least emotionally, so far because of the great senses of humor around me.
I'm very grateful that I have Eric here everyday to make me laugh and smile.
This is one of the best medicines!
Tomorrow is the first day of October, where did the summer go?!
Poll:
My birthday is on the 28th... Do I celebrate my 28th on the 28th or just stick to my original plan of doing 27 over again?
Got your attention :)
I'm trying to get better about posting and it's been a week since the last.
Yesterday was the last of my long treatments, this is a blessing mostly.
A little scary as in 2 weeks chemo is done completely.
This has been my crutch, there is only about a 1% chance of cancer growing while on chemo...
So in roughly 13 days the crutch is gone completely.
However in about 60-75 days the side effects will subside almost completely as well.
I'm VERY ready for this to happen!
They were running behind yesterday so I was there until 5:30.
Mom and I had a dance party towards the end, it was great! :)
My cold is almost gone, whew that kicked my butt!
Chemo sucks but that stuffy nose got the best of me for a few days, to say the least.
I went to a support group last night to talk about Tamoxifen (the pill they want me on 10 years).
There was an Oncologist there to answer our questions.
Lucky for me there was only me and one other lady there.
She didn't have many questions.
This left 75 minutes of just me asking question after question.
This was very helpful and I feel a little better about my options.
Back to where I started this post.
No one gets out alive anyway so make sure you have plenty of fun and laughter along the way.
My advise:
Make sure to remove toxic relationships from your life to help alleviate the stress those cause.
That can be hard but they will bring you down faster than almost anything else in my opinion.
Find something everyday to be positive about.
Don't take things too seriously. One example that comes to mind from a few years ago... I was driving to the airport. I was on the phone with my mom. Something flew up and hit my windshield. It cracked right away. "SHIT" I said and then continued my conversation in a calm manner. Mom wondered why I wasn't more upset. There was no need to be, it happened, I couldn't change that and being angry about it wasn't going to change anything, it happened. It wasn't life altering either. So it rolled off my shoulders and I had actually completely forgot about it until I got back in the truck when I got home from the trip and saw it.
Do something small for someone else daily.
The little things add up and will always be more important and better memories than the big things in the end.
Did I mention I REALLY miss coffee :) (Not for the coffee either.)
I truly believe that I've been doing so well, at least emotionally, so far because of the great senses of humor around me.
I'm very grateful that I have Eric here everyday to make me laugh and smile.
This is one of the best medicines!
Tomorrow is the first day of October, where did the summer go?!
Poll:
My birthday is on the 28th... Do I celebrate my 28th on the 28th or just stick to my original plan of doing 27 over again?
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
The Day of A Lifetime
Wow.
Where do I even start?
I've always disliked when people say "It was the best day of my life".
If this is the case what else is there to live for?
So, please try to start saying 'so far' after these types of comments.
With that in mind, Saturday September 13th, 2014 - Cruisin' for Cleavage - 1st Annual Poker Run was one of the best days of my life, so far.
Where do I even start?
I've always disliked when people say "It was the best day of my life".
If this is the case what else is there to live for?
So, please try to start saying 'so far' after these types of comments.
With that in mind, Saturday September 13th, 2014 - Cruisin' for Cleavage - 1st Annual Poker Run was one of the best days of my life, so far.
People
have birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, babies being born, engagements
etc. They are all memorable, but I'm not sure anything will compare to
the memories of yesterday.
The amount of people and support was amazing.
The mix of different types/groups of people all coming together made everything that much better.
We had 145 registrations come through. I didn't count but I feel like there were many more people than that.
The mix of different types/groups of people all coming together made everything that much better.
We had 145 registrations come through. I didn't count but I feel like there were many more people than that.
I didn't go to registration but I was at the first stop.
3 people beat me but then I stayed and watched everyone else come through and play the game.
It took almost 3 hours to get everyone through. It was great!
I left with one of the last groups of people and road to the next stop.
Wasn't there long and I left with a different group of people to the next stop.
On the way my heart sank, a bike had gone down.
I heard mixed things about what happened but I did find out the rider was ok over all.
He ended up with some broken bones but no head or organ damage.
I was grateful to hear this news.
Sad that someone came out for me and ended up in pain themselves though.
3 people beat me but then I stayed and watched everyone else come through and play the game.
It took almost 3 hours to get everyone through. It was great!
I left with one of the last groups of people and road to the next stop.
Wasn't there long and I left with a different group of people to the next stop.
On the way my heart sank, a bike had gone down.
I heard mixed things about what happened but I did find out the rider was ok over all.
He ended up with some broken bones but no head or organ damage.
I was grateful to hear this news.
Sad that someone came out for me and ended up in pain themselves though.
I met people that have read the blog and followed along this whole time. That's was a little weird at first but good at the same time.
I'm glad people are following.
That is nice to hear!
I had one lady say she is following and knows someone who was recently diagnosed and the blog has helped them so far with what to expect next and to realize that it isn't the end of the world. There can still be laughs and positive attitudes! I'm glad I've helped someone, even if it's just one person, it's worth it. (PS, when you're reading this if you have ANY questions feel free to email me.)
I heard some sad stories about lost family and friends to this shitty disease.
Those were a little hard on me, but I understand that's what some people needed to get off their chest that day. (still no pun intended) :)
Lots of tears, stories and laughter were shared on Saturday!
I've been told that Kelsey is pretty bad ass, but I did see tears of amazement and joy on Saturday. It took everything I had not to shed a few myself.
Now the hard part... How do you repay someone who devoted a tremendous amount of time and energy to put something like this together? The only real way to pay them back in the same fashion would be if something terrible happened to them as well.
Of course I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
With that in mind I will be ever indebted to my sister Kelsey.
Kelsey, be proud, you did a wonderful job!
Not to discredit what anyone else did but none of this would have happened without her.
A lot of this wouldn't have happened without the additional volunteers and bars to help as well.
The monitary turn out wouldn't have happened without the generous donations of various companies and individuals throughout Northern Colorado either.
A big, warm, THANK YOU to everyone that helped put this together.
The final numbers at the end of the day was just over $9,000 with $700 in prize payouts.
(I have random 'entry fees' still coming in from people that couldn't make it, when I get a grand total I will update this post)
This was hard to believe and didn't sink in until the next day and I just wept on my couch.
With this and the previous financial donations the weight of medical bills for 2014 and I'm 90% sure the medical bills for 2015 will be taken care of in total.
Without this stress over my head I am able to focus that much more energy on my success at kickin' ass.
I cannot say thank you enough for everyone involved that donated their time, energy and opened their wallets to help as well.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
We will be putting in an order for more t-shirts this weekend.
If you want one and missed out please let me know asap.
We will be collecting money before ordering.
There are grey or pink shirts and pink tank tops.
$12
Everyday should be filled with joy, laughter, happiness, love, human touch, and honesty.
--- Post coming about this soon.
--- Post coming about this soon.
Sorry it took longer to write this post than it should have.
I came down with a terrible cold last week and didn't have the energy to write.
I'm getting better now!
I apologize.
When this was first planned I said I wanted to pay it forward and help someone else next year, with that in mind;
We will have a 2nd Annual Cruisin' For Cleavage Poker Run next September, recipient to be decided.
Can't wait to see you all there!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Cruisin For Cleavage September 13th!
Kelsey has been BUSY!
The poker run is coming up in just over 2 weeks.
So far looks like we're going to have a lot of great people there, I'm looking forward to seeing everyone!
There are quite a few that will be doing the ride as a drive in their cars/trucks.
We're happy to see this as well, you don't have to have a bike to have fun!
There will be games at each stop, silent auction and one more surprise at the end.
Come join for the fun before it snows!
If you have any questions please let me or Kelsey know.
There is a link at the bottom to download the PDF as well.
Description from Facebook event:
We are cruisin' for Cleavage!!
Registration will begin at 10:00 am in Severance, CO at Bruce's Bar. Last bike out by 11:00.
Cost- $15.00 for a single rider
$20.00 for a couple
Starting at Bruce's bar in Severance
1st Canyon Grill, Ft. Collins
2nd Wind Jammer, Loveland
3rd Derby Grille, Berthoud
4th Office Lounge, Loveland
The top two best poker hands will win cash!!
Link to download the PDF:
Flier PDF Download
When you get to the new page click "Click here to start download from sendspace"
Don't click on any of the other advertising BS!
The poker run is coming up in just over 2 weeks.
So far looks like we're going to have a lot of great people there, I'm looking forward to seeing everyone!
There are quite a few that will be doing the ride as a drive in their cars/trucks.
We're happy to see this as well, you don't have to have a bike to have fun!
There will be games at each stop, silent auction and one more surprise at the end.
Come join for the fun before it snows!
If you have any questions please let me or Kelsey know.
There is a link at the bottom to download the PDF as well.
Description from Facebook event:
We are cruisin' for Cleavage!!
Registration will begin at 10:00 am in Severance, CO at Bruce's Bar. Last bike out by 11:00.
Cost- $15.00 for a single rider
$20.00 for a couple
Starting at Bruce's bar in Severance
1st Canyon Grill, Ft. Collins
2nd Wind Jammer, Loveland
3rd Derby Grille, Berthoud
4th Office Lounge, Loveland
The top two best poker hands will win cash!!
Link to download the PDF:
Flier PDF Download
When you get to the new page click "Click here to start download from sendspace"
Don't click on any of the other advertising BS!
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
New Chemo and Radiation Decision
It's been almost 3 weeks since my last post.
Sorry about that!
I ended up in the ER 2 weeks ago (Sunday) for a few hours.
Blood counts were low.
Had to go for more blood tests Monday and Tuesday.
Weird, you go to the ER because you're loosing too much blood and the first thing do is take more blood.
I'm better now though.
Last Monday I started new chemo, Taxol.
This is every Monday until October 20th. (12 treatments)
Every third week I also have Herceptin and Perjeta. (These are antibodies, not chemo)
I will have Herceptin every third week until August 2015.
Perjeta just until October.
While this chemo takes much longer the side effects aren't nearly as bad as the AC I was on before this. I'm very thankful for that.
The first thing they do is give me Benadryl.
I'm back to involuntary naps now. :)
Then steroids and stomach meds.
Then Herceptin (90 min)
Then Perjeta (90 min)
Then Taxol (90 min)
All of the meds are put in saline and 'delivered' that way, makes me very cold!
The first treatment that included all 3 I was there from 9:30-4:30.
I'm glad Mom was there to help get me food and watch me sleep.
I would be very appreciative if I could get 'volunteers' to maybe help bring food on the long days.
I do sleep and work during treatments so I don't need people to sit with me the whole time, but I do get very hungry!
After all this is done I will have a month 'off'.
Then I have decided with the help of others that radiation is the best idea for me.
This will start around November 20th and will go for 5 weeks.
I will get 25 treatments in that time.
Going there everyday is going to take a toll on me I'm sure but we feel it's the right thing to do.
Hope to see everyone on September 13th!
Monday, July 14, 2014
10K Views and the Last Slurpee of my life
WOW!
The blog has received 10,000 views.
Reached 30+ countries. (Estonia being second after the US for views)
Made it to a few Latvian websites.
and more!
I'm currently sitting getting my last RED DEVIL chemo treatment.
I think I have drank the last slurpee of my life too.
I don't think I can ever even look at one the same again.
Never before did I believe it was possible to get nauseated just from the thought of something.
Guess I've learned, anything is possible!
(In case I didn't cover it before, during 15 minutes of the treatment you have to keep your mouth as cold as possible to avoid mouth sores. During the first treatment they suggested chewing on ice. I didn't want to do this because it hurts my teeth. Not thinking, I got a slurpee instead.)
Not much else to update.
I'm still bald.
Haven't lost anymore weight, haven't gained any back either.
Still miss being able to have coffee every morning. :)
My sister, Kelsey, is putting together a fundraising event for September 13th.
Details will come sometime in the next 2 weeks but please save the date!
Round B of chemo is 12 weeks long.
This starts in 2 weeks, July 28th.
It is going to take 6-8 hours, going to be a long day!
Hope everyone had a nice weekend and happy Monday.
The blog has received 10,000 views.
Reached 30+ countries. (Estonia being second after the US for views)
Made it to a few Latvian websites.
and more!
I'm currently sitting getting my last RED DEVIL chemo treatment.
I think I have drank the last slurpee of my life too.
I don't think I can ever even look at one the same again.
Never before did I believe it was possible to get nauseated just from the thought of something.
Guess I've learned, anything is possible!
(In case I didn't cover it before, during 15 minutes of the treatment you have to keep your mouth as cold as possible to avoid mouth sores. During the first treatment they suggested chewing on ice. I didn't want to do this because it hurts my teeth. Not thinking, I got a slurpee instead.)
Not much else to update.
I'm still bald.
Haven't lost anymore weight, haven't gained any back either.
Still miss being able to have coffee every morning. :)
My sister, Kelsey, is putting together a fundraising event for September 13th.
Details will come sometime in the next 2 weeks but please save the date!
Round B of chemo is 12 weeks long.
This starts in 2 weeks, July 28th.
It is going to take 6-8 hours, going to be a long day!
Hope everyone had a nice weekend and happy Monday.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Chemo process
Ok, in my last post I promised I would let you know how a chemo treatment goes so here it is:
Monday
11:45 visit with doctor about how things are going and address any questions.
12:00 sit down in the chemo area (this time I opted for a private room)
12:15 nurse comes in and introduces herself and taps the port
12:30 port flush just to realize it's 'clogged'
12:45 put in meds to flush port, wait 30 min
13:15 still clogged, wait 30 min
13:50 ok, it's good to go, draw blood to be tested (if the counts aren't high enough there is no chemo)
14:15 everything is ok start steroid drip
14:45 start anti nausea drip
15:15 flush
15:30 start chemo 1 (red nasty stuff)
15:45 start second chemo
16:45 flush
17:00 DONE - what a day.
17:15 Get hair chopped off since clumps are coming out.
Tuesday
15:00 Sit down in chemo area
15:05-15:15 everyone comes looks at my hair :)
15:15 Start IV hydration drip
4:30 get immune system shot (this is what messes up everything for the next 2 days!)
What a time consuming process!
I have a faux hawk now. When the rest falls out I'll post all the pictures, sometime later this week I'm sure it'll happen!
Thanx for stopping by.
Monday
11:45 visit with doctor about how things are going and address any questions.
12:00 sit down in the chemo area (this time I opted for a private room)
12:15 nurse comes in and introduces herself and taps the port
12:30 port flush just to realize it's 'clogged'
12:45 put in meds to flush port, wait 30 min
13:15 still clogged, wait 30 min
13:50 ok, it's good to go, draw blood to be tested (if the counts aren't high enough there is no chemo)
14:15 everything is ok start steroid drip
14:45 start anti nausea drip
15:15 flush
15:30 start chemo 1 (red nasty stuff)
15:45 start second chemo
16:45 flush
17:00 DONE - what a day.
17:15 Get hair chopped off since clumps are coming out.
Tuesday
15:00 Sit down in chemo area
15:05-15:15 everyone comes looks at my hair :)
15:15 Start IV hydration drip
4:30 get immune system shot (this is what messes up everything for the next 2 days!)
What a time consuming process!
I have a faux hawk now. When the rest falls out I'll post all the pictures, sometime later this week I'm sure it'll happen!
Thanx for stopping by.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Scolded by the oncologist
Whoops!! Somehow I lost 13lbs in a week so.... who wants to go out to eat this week? :)
Other than that no bad news at the docs today.
I seem to be almost back to normal feeling today, bit tired this morning.
Hair is supposed to fall out by Sunday, 4 days sooner than I was ready for, but guess it's time to brush those wigs!
I did get a FaceBook message today telling me it wasn't appropriate for me to post cancer stuff there.
Any guesses what happened after that?
Oh, I have one less FB friend.
That's all the updates I have until chemo on the 16th, hope everyone has a great week!
Other than that no bad news at the docs today.
I seem to be almost back to normal feeling today, bit tired this morning.
Hair is supposed to fall out by Sunday, 4 days sooner than I was ready for, but guess it's time to brush those wigs!
I did get a FaceBook message today telling me it wasn't appropriate for me to post cancer stuff there.
Any guesses what happened after that?
Oh, I have one less FB friend.
That's all the updates I have until chemo on the 16th, hope everyone has a great week!
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Chemo is kicking my ass
Hi everyone.
I know I said I'd post more often but I gotta be honest it's taking everything I have to post this right now.
The very short of it;
Chemo started Monday, IV drip and immune shot Tuesday.
It's kicking my ass, I'm tired but can't sleep.
Yesterday my bones hurt from the inside, mostly from the waist up, strange and painful feeling.
Today I'm not sure how I got the energy to shower, but thankfully I did and Dayna braided my hair again.
Mom brought dinner 3 hours ago and is on her way back to clean up after me right now, just to give you an idea of how little energy I have. Yes, I called my mom to help me clean up my plates after the dinner she bought and brought me.
When I have more energy I'll post more about what's been happening.
Next chemo treatment is June 16th, likely that is when I'll post exact details of what it consists of.
(Red devil chemo, google it if you're bored)
Good night everyone.
I know I said I'd post more often but I gotta be honest it's taking everything I have to post this right now.
The very short of it;
Chemo started Monday, IV drip and immune shot Tuesday.
It's kicking my ass, I'm tired but can't sleep.
Yesterday my bones hurt from the inside, mostly from the waist up, strange and painful feeling.
Today I'm not sure how I got the energy to shower, but thankfully I did and Dayna braided my hair again.
Mom brought dinner 3 hours ago and is on her way back to clean up after me right now, just to give you an idea of how little energy I have. Yes, I called my mom to help me clean up my plates after the dinner she bought and brought me.
When I have more energy I'll post more about what's been happening.
Next chemo treatment is June 16th, likely that is when I'll post exact details of what it consists of.
(Red devil chemo, google it if you're bored)
Good night everyone.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
CT Scan results
I swear, PVH doesn't have anything together!
I had my CT scan on Friday...
Because of the type of surgery and risks with getting IVs in my arm it was a mess to get the right team of nurses to 'tap' my port. Then to get it all of the crap out after the scan.
This was an interesting experience, they sterilize the area just as much as if I was getting surgery. I can't even watch them put the needle in because I might breathe on it and it won't be sterile anymore. So they make me look away and put a paper on my face.
CT Scan came back great, no cancer! No pneumonia! No blood clots!
Chemo starts Monday... dun dun dun.
Got another wig today.
I had my CT scan on Friday...
Because of the type of surgery and risks with getting IVs in my arm it was a mess to get the right team of nurses to 'tap' my port. Then to get it all of the crap out after the scan.
This was an interesting experience, they sterilize the area just as much as if I was getting surgery. I can't even watch them put the needle in because I might breathe on it and it won't be sterile anymore. So they make me look away and put a paper on my face.
CT Scan came back great, no cancer! No pneumonia! No blood clots!
Chemo starts Monday... dun dun dun.
Got another wig today.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Fills, chemo training and CT Scan
Whew! This Linda lady is going to drive me crazy!
Now backing up, I see Linda tomorrow to do 'chemo training'.
I'm thrilled if you can't tell :)
I have yet to know if she will be part of my whole chemo routine or not.
Friday I have a CT scan on my lungs. This is mostly precautionary, I pushed for it, they weren't sure it was necessary. However they did say, if it's in your lungs we'll find out eventually. I haven't been sleeping and I've been Google-ing WAY too much so I pushed to have peace of mind now instead of just waiting. I should have just done this sooner, like when I had the brain MRI done. I don't know why I put myself through the waiting. Stupid idea!
Yesterday I had my first "fill". 50cc on each side.
This is an instant gratification moment, hahaha!!
One of the strangest feelings in the world at the moment is watching a needle stick in my skin and not feel it. As far as I'm told I won't have feeling ever again. I think I'm young enough that eventually maybe nerves will repair over time. Only time will tell. The body does amazing things.
Speaking of which it's currently pissed off again though. More stretching muscle, feels almost the same as the days right after surgery.
My first chemo session is from 10-1 on Monday, June 2nd.
Thank you to those that have offered to take me. I need to make a decision soon.
Please don't take offense if you've offered and I haven't said anything...
This is going to be one of the hardest sessions I think. It's going to be new, scary and I don't know what to expect. Everyone feels different so they can't tell me what to expect really either. I may have side-effects right away or not until Thursday, another time will tell moment.
Tomorrow I will have the full chemo schedule and will post details this weekend.
See the "Universal Fill Kit" below.
I felt like it was a car part :)
Now backing up, I see Linda tomorrow to do 'chemo training'.
I'm thrilled if you can't tell :)
I have yet to know if she will be part of my whole chemo routine or not.
Friday I have a CT scan on my lungs. This is mostly precautionary, I pushed for it, they weren't sure it was necessary. However they did say, if it's in your lungs we'll find out eventually. I haven't been sleeping and I've been Google-ing WAY too much so I pushed to have peace of mind now instead of just waiting. I should have just done this sooner, like when I had the brain MRI done. I don't know why I put myself through the waiting. Stupid idea!
Yesterday I had my first "fill". 50cc on each side.
This is an instant gratification moment, hahaha!!
One of the strangest feelings in the world at the moment is watching a needle stick in my skin and not feel it. As far as I'm told I won't have feeling ever again. I think I'm young enough that eventually maybe nerves will repair over time. Only time will tell. The body does amazing things.
Speaking of which it's currently pissed off again though. More stretching muscle, feels almost the same as the days right after surgery.
My first chemo session is from 10-1 on Monday, June 2nd.
Thank you to those that have offered to take me. I need to make a decision soon.
Please don't take offense if you've offered and I haven't said anything...
This is going to be one of the hardest sessions I think. It's going to be new, scary and I don't know what to expect. Everyone feels different so they can't tell me what to expect really either. I may have side-effects right away or not until Thursday, another time will tell moment.
Tomorrow I will have the full chemo schedule and will post details this weekend.
See the "Universal Fill Kit" below.
I felt like it was a car part :)
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Updates and more decisions
I've been informed it's been too long since I last posted so I'll try to make sure I include all the updates. :)
Well I got out of the hospital late Thursday night after surgery. (The 8th)
Friday I got the pathology results and posted those.
Last Wednesday I got my drain tubes out... I no longer look like a science experiment and Eric says I'm "wireless" now.
Since then I've been recovering at home, working some starting last week and this week.
Glad to have something to keep my mind busy and very grateful to be able to work from home.
I've had some visitors, thank you, it's been helpful so I don't get so much cabin fever.
Eric, Mom and Laure have helped around the house a bunch.
I can't lift more than 10lbs for about another month or so. That part is hard, 10lbs isn't that much!
My laptop is 5lbs for example.
I'm quickly learning what motions use chest muscles that I didn't realize or didn't think they used that much of the chest muscle.
Turning the wheel in a car stretches most of the muscle quite tight, esp if you go 360ยบ. (Or in my case TRY to do it).
Saw the oncologist yesterday... the negative margin on one of the tumors was only 0.5mm.
(This means that the cancer cells were only 0.5mm away from the edge of what was cut out, the 0.5mm cells were healthy/normal).
She discussed this with the Tumor Board of CO and it's unclear if radiation will be of any benefit.
I will meet with a specialist to talk about pros and cons... I have to decide by October roughly.
There isn't anything suggested at this point and this decision is up to me, I don't know how to decide.
On one hand radiation is SERIOUS STUFF! On the other hand do I ever want something to come back and have to think 'what if I had done radiation?'.
Next week I will have a chemo training class... can't wait!
I will also have a CT scan of my chest to ease my brain about my wheezing. I'm sure it's allergies or stress but will be nice to have a clear brain that it's not cancer.
Chemo starts June 2nd.
Hair will fall out around the second treatment, June 16th.
I bought 2 wigs today.
One has a bit of purple on the bottom, the other is more natural and quite long. So far I love it!
I'll have a full chemo schedule soon, the short of it;
4 treatments in 8 weeks
2 weeks off
12 treatments in 12 weeks
9 months of treatments, every 3rd week.
Second surgery early 2015 likely.
All will be said and done and getting the port out around September 2015.
The above is set until at least November, after that things might change depending on the radiation decision.
Hope everyone enjoyed the rain we just had in CO.
Also hope no one was in the way of the really bad parts.
Well I got out of the hospital late Thursday night after surgery. (The 8th)
Friday I got the pathology results and posted those.
Last Wednesday I got my drain tubes out... I no longer look like a science experiment and Eric says I'm "wireless" now.
Since then I've been recovering at home, working some starting last week and this week.
Glad to have something to keep my mind busy and very grateful to be able to work from home.
I've had some visitors, thank you, it's been helpful so I don't get so much cabin fever.
Eric, Mom and Laure have helped around the house a bunch.
I can't lift more than 10lbs for about another month or so. That part is hard, 10lbs isn't that much!
My laptop is 5lbs for example.
I'm quickly learning what motions use chest muscles that I didn't realize or didn't think they used that much of the chest muscle.
Turning the wheel in a car stretches most of the muscle quite tight, esp if you go 360ยบ. (Or in my case TRY to do it).
Saw the oncologist yesterday... the negative margin on one of the tumors was only 0.5mm.
(This means that the cancer cells were only 0.5mm away from the edge of what was cut out, the 0.5mm cells were healthy/normal).
She discussed this with the Tumor Board of CO and it's unclear if radiation will be of any benefit.
I will meet with a specialist to talk about pros and cons... I have to decide by October roughly.
There isn't anything suggested at this point and this decision is up to me, I don't know how to decide.
On one hand radiation is SERIOUS STUFF! On the other hand do I ever want something to come back and have to think 'what if I had done radiation?'.
Next week I will have a chemo training class... can't wait!
I will also have a CT scan of my chest to ease my brain about my wheezing. I'm sure it's allergies or stress but will be nice to have a clear brain that it's not cancer.
Chemo starts June 2nd.
Hair will fall out around the second treatment, June 16th.
I bought 2 wigs today.
One has a bit of purple on the bottom, the other is more natural and quite long. So far I love it!
I'll have a full chemo schedule soon, the short of it;
4 treatments in 8 weeks
2 weeks off
12 treatments in 12 weeks
9 months of treatments, every 3rd week.
Second surgery early 2015 likely.
All will be said and done and getting the port out around September 2015.
The above is set until at least November, after that things might change depending on the radiation decision.
Hope everyone enjoyed the rain we just had in CO.
Also hope no one was in the way of the really bad parts.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Interior Garden
The flowers keep coming.
Who's more creative than me to help make some collage or something with these?
They are gorgeous, smell amazing and keep me smiling!
Thank you again everyone.
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